If you have just hitchhiked to Berlin for the 1st time and want to stop here for a while, make sure you fit following these 10 simple rules…
Rule #1. So, if you came to Berlin, make sure you live in the right area, otherwise you’re no cool.
Kreuzberg is cool, but Neukoelln is getting cool too, so in order to be super cool people have invented the word (not the location) Kreuzkoelln. So, make sure you move in there, and do not try to understand where it starts and where it finishes. If you live on the last floor, that is especially cool: wooden floors, a balcony and a stove heating- you are quickly getting points!
Rule #2. In Berlin those who have dogs are very cool too, it means you are a good man, the society can trust you.
Rule #3. But you are no cool with your dog if you do not have a bike, and make sure you choose a cool bike too, otherwise you are not cool enough and you’ll be recognized as a fresh foreigner. Make sure your bike is vintage or even handmade. Or maybe you want to have parrots sitting on your bike…
Oh forgot to add, when you get a dog, make sure you do not clean it’s poo, it’s cool to leave it behind, so that the neighbor’s daughter going for a walk with daddy steps in to it.
Rule #4. Make sure you drink the right beer too! Sternburg Export is a low budget beer, and that’s the way to go when you just arrive to Berlin, because if you say you just came and you have not fond a job yet but you drink the most elite beer they will think you are wealthy and Berlin is in general not a place for you. When you get a job, you can start drinking Berliner and Club Mate.
The only people who will have more dogs than you, and will not have a bike… and will enjoy Sternburg Export for the breakfast – are the punks, but this is another story…
Rule #5. Learn 3 the most important and coolest words:
- Entschuldigung – if you step on somebody’s Doc Martin’s
- Ausgang -if you run from the policeman at the U-Bahn
- Genau – just being cool
Rule #6. Do not go and see Brandenburger Tor, because that’s not cool, instead you should go to Spreepark and Taufelsberg or maybe Heilstätte Grabowsee?
Rule #7. Do not forget to check daily Craigslist Berlin and ExBerliner (i still have not found the answer why Exberliner is EX?). However, sooner or later you’ll understand that Exberliner is a bunch of arrogant strangers.
Rule #8. Throw away your favourite pack of cigarettes and start enjoying the great variety of tabaco. Its cool to stop wherever you are and roll one.
Rule #9. Punctual Germans maybe are punctual somewhere else, but when you go for a party or a gallery opening in Berlin make sure you are 2h late, then you are cool enough. And it is triple cool if you find a secret party and squeeze your ass in.
Rule #10. Berlin is the recycling, upcycling, “pass on” city. Nothing should go in the bin, unless you are sure it is no good even to a homeless person. You are extremely no cool if you throw plastic and glass into general waste, you are even worse if you throw away your food. www.tastethewaste.de will tell you how much people throw away, while others are starving. You are super cool using freecycling Berlin service giving away unnecessary furniture and other items.
After these 10 rules you have a chance to be called a BERLINER, which is cool too.
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